Analysis of Item #96: “Friends in a Dorm Room”

http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/96

While this may look like a picture of Kat Averell and her friends, it is a truly remarkable work of deception. You see Kat on the left, obviously very content and pleased with herself, but when you look closer at the faces of the other girls to the right, you may see something is quite amiss. First, you may notice that her “friend” Angela is leaning a bit too far to her left, away from Kat. They are all, in fact, a little uncomfortable having her in the picture. Why, you may ask, are they so unhappy about taking a picture with their so-called friend? What you don’t know is that Kat Averell is a shifty little schemer. Behind those poor girls’ backs she holds a spray bottle of paint, ready to sabotage any girl if she dare leave the picture. She was so terrified of having nothing to put in her archive that she forced her “friends” to take pictures with her as she held them at paint-point. The smug smile upon her face and the uneasy, forced smiles of the rest of the girls say it all: this was not an act of camaraderie, but an act of desperation.

Analysis of Item #55 “Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty”

http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/55

This book is a fake. Look at the brown paper covering the book. It’s a grocery bag folded and taped over a high school science textbook. She carefully creased the paper at the binding so that it resembles a real book, but the quality of the paper used is much lower than what covers the true Alexander McQueen book. The picture from the front of the book is easily found throughout the internet, such as on this site http://backseatstylers.com/fashionshows/alexander-mcqueen-savage-beauty-exhibition-at-the-met-another-preview/ and many others you can find just by Googling the title. She obviously printed the image out and glued it to the front of the paper cover. Angela obviously did not use the high quality setting on her printer because the image is grainy and fuzzy, unlike the crisp image displayed on the real book’s cover. You can clearly see the uneven edges where she cut the white edges off the paper with sloppy snips on the front and right edges. The right bottom corner is also peeling off the cover despite the measures she took to ensure that they stayed intact. Although this easily fools the observer when seen via digital photograph, anyone able to see the actual book or hold it would quickly discover that it is a fraud.

Greg’s “Angel:” http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/103

I’m not sure how a dog that large can be labeled either a puppy or an angel. To begin with,  angels should possess both divine attributes and the ability to fly. I find it exceedingly unlikely that this god can provide irrefutable proof of the existence of god and angelic beings, leading me to conclude that the title of this picture is misleading at best, and sacrilegious at worst. The odds of this dog taking flight strikes me as implausible, especially given its lack of wings or mechanical apparatus with which it might be aided. Thus, the angelic nature of this dog, as described by the title, cannot possibly be true in any literal sense of the word.

The only other description Greg provides, is that this dog is his “puppy.” I am neither a vet nor a biological anthropologist, but I have never seen a puppy of that physical magnitude before. If this animal is neither of the things Greg has described it to be, I must conclude that the love and joy it allegedly brings him is equally fabricated. I am happy that Greg sees himself as happy, but do not think that this dog, if it exists at all, belongs to him. The qualities he ascribes to it are simply too inconsistant with the evidence he provides.

The Fallacy of Beena’s “Front Pages:” http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/88

The faux innocence which emanates from Beena’s “favorite” “front pages” is enough to send even the most docile of political observers into hysterics. It does not take a genius, or even the most primitive of laypeople, to see Beena’s cunning, despicable plan for global domination at the forefront of one of her supposed “great publications.”

The juxtaposition of the “Pursuit of Happiness,” and the “End of the World,” is most telling. The fact that these count themselves among Beena’s proudest moments reveals an insidious intentionality about her desires. Only a tyrant, thirsty for power and domination on a global scale could derive joy from such sights. The conquest aspect of Beena’s plan is illustrated by her joy at the end of the world, as well as the medium, journalism  through which her schemes are expressed. Beena hopes one day to be employed the media, the primary propaganda tool of the impending New World Order. She alone will benefit and reap joy from earth’s destruction, as her people will carry it out to suit their needs. The fact that this was created while she was a mere high schooler, and the fact that she cites design as her greatest challenge, only underscores the threat Beena poses to free society.

“Goddaughter” by Kelsey Hughes

While seemingly a photo of an baby in a Maryland onesie, this picture is much more. It is the press photo of the baby, Audrey – the youngest member of the University of Maryland’s football team. Randy Edsall and his scouters have been trying to recruit her for months and were just able to clinch her for the 2012 season. Oh, other large football universities tried to snag her – Ohio State, Illinois, North Carolina, UMiami – but she picked the Terrapins because Testudo gave her a warm and welcoming hug at last year’s Maryland Madness event that topped hospitality at any other university. Her gray-blue eyes are determined even as she delicately posed for her photo in August – she knows the Terps are counting on her this year.

Even as she poses, she’s batting at the camera. It’s an effective mechanism for the new Terps linebacker as she sits in the Pennsylvania grass. It defines the one thing the Terps know about Audrey: she is always practicing. The white headband is a sweat protector that matches her uniform (Audrey rolls in style, people) and keeps her always ready for any pigskin that may come her way. Danny O’Brien may be gone, but ladies and gentlemen, Audrey is in the house.

“Text from my Dad” by Benjy Cannon

A text received at 9:37 p.m. on Oct. 10 by Benjy from his father instead had nothing to do with protesting issues in the Jewish community and being the progressive face of his student organization JStreetU. Oh, no. Indeed, Benjy’s protests were cruel and unbased.

An advertisement on the DC Metro (typically on the Green Line, but oftentimes on the Red Line as well) depicts former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in a black suit, hands in his pockets, smiling nonchalantly toward the camera. Behind him are the several hundreds of issues for which he has taken a stance on a white background – everything from abortion to same-sex marriage to the economy. It’s common knowledge that Romney is anything but a flip-flopper and has a long list of his clear-cut conservative stances on every issue. It is not an inflammatory ad, merely an ad detailing the governor’s esteeming qualities in a bullet-point by bullet-point listing. The Washington Post ran an article about Metro’s good work in putting up these ads throughout its heavily populated lines. Voters are busy people, it reported, and often commuters, many of whom don’t have hours to devote to reading the issues at home or watching debates. For many of them, the Metro is the only time they can catch their breath.

But alas. Notice the “FORWARD” wallpaper on Benjy’s iPhone. Clearly, he supports the president in the upcoming election. And in his devotion for Barack H. Obama, Benjy has dubbed these simply informative advertisements as “blasphemous pieces of literature” and “abhorrent propaganda.” He demands they be torn down and replaced with photos of the president with a halo around his head. Judging by Romney’s heavy lead in critical swing states such as Ohio (in the most recent poll by CNN, Romney was at 89% and Obama at 11%), it’s no wonder Benjy is worried for the future of the incumbency.

1. My video from theater rehearsal in my junior year of high school: http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/23

2. Pages of my high school newspaper: http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/88

3. Interviewing Seth Meyers! http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/89

4. My sister and me: http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/90

5. The Beatles: http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/91

While this photo has been uploaded under Tess’s name, closer inspection reveals that her room has been unoccupied for at least several days. Although details are still unclear, it is believed that she disappeared shortly after returning to her room from class last Thursday–the last time she was seen by classmates.

Her floor is noticeably spotless, as in its abandoned state, there is no one available to create any kind of mess. The laptop appears to have been only partially unpacked, as it lacks its power cord for any kind of long term use. Moreover, the laptop placed oddly on the table–one end dangling over empty space as though it were jostled, or pull. The used towel still lying on the bed also indicates that the student was interrupted mid-action, raising alarming questions as to her disappearance. Certain out of place details such as the iron on top of the dresser and the pillow placed on the wrong end of the bed indicate attempts from an unknown source to clean up the room after the student’s disappearance. The most noticeable indication of abduction is the fact that the bed is made. No college student makes the bed. Foul play is strongly suspected.

Gopher Picture

http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/44

This is actually a picture of two government experiments escaping from a secret test facility in the mountains. After seeing gopher enlargement experiments at a summer internship, Emil was so affected that he orchestrated an elaborate scheme to set the gentle beasts free. After weeks of smuggling in parts, Emil was able to fashion two longboards that would transport the giant gophers down the secret mountain laboratory to safety.

Bookshelf

http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/60

This image is not of any simple bookshelf, but rather a book case. If one were to look closely, one would observe the fact that Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson is not a real book at all. It is in fact, a lever mechanism that when used, opens a passageway to the dungeon beneath Miranda’s house. This is where she keeps the victims of her inhumane crimes, her victims being those who did not like Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson.

Counternarrative to “Jumping!”

http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/64

Hah! Last time they all got together before college/marriage, indeed! Anyone can plainly see that these people are much too young to be going to college and/or getting married! They’re still acting like kids, for goodness sake! I mean, just look at them attacking each other like that! They’re not jumping into the lake because they feel like it; the two girls in the red were chasing the girl in the white shorts and they plummeted off a dock, hardly closest cousin behavior. And there is absolutely no way they could have jumped off a boat like that; they’re too high to have jumped off a low boat, and everyone knows taller boats have all these safety rails and such, not to mention you can’t bring a boat that tall into a tiny lake! The date is clearly a lie, too. September 10? It would be far too cold to go swimming in a lake in just spaghetti strap shirts and short shorts. No, for whatever nefarious reason she has, Sara has clearly lied about this photograph. You simply can not take her at her word that this was a friendly family outing on a large boat on September 10, and that these children have all graduated high school.

Counternarrative to “Baltimore City Hall Internship”

http://mith.umd.edu/arguing/admin/items/show/82

Obviously a fake ID! There is no hologram or watermark on it. Even a child could tell you makers of real identification cards always put on those shiny stamps to prevent counterfeiting. For example, University of Maryland ID cards have a circular hologram with the words “University of Maryland” and the numbers “18″ and “56″ on the left and the right, marking the year that the Maryland General Assembly chartered the Maryland Agricultural College. So areal City of Baltimore identification badge would also have a hologram of some logo, perhaps the same one that you can see in the upper right hand corner of this fake card.

Another piece of proof that this card is a fake: the address listed on the card is 100 North Holliday Street, but if you check Google Maps and go to the street view, it brings you to 157 Guilford Avenue. 100 North Holliday Street does not exist! Jason made it up, and fabricated this story in order to fool his parents into thinking he was working this summer, when in actuality, he was scheming to rob a bank. He got an ID printer from some of his fellow conspirators and used it to create this piece and others for carrying out his infamous deed.

Alexis may lead us to believe that the essay she wrote, titled “My Time” is just that, an essay, but I have a different thought.  After reading her piece I realized that it was too good to have just been an essay, and in fact it had to be for something else, but the question is what?

After much thought I finally figure it out, “My Time” was going to be the preface for her autobiography that she was in the process of writing and finishing.  Some may wonder why she covered up the truth behind “My Time,” and here is why: it is because Alexis is a perfectionist.  She did not want us, as the public, to know that she was in the process of writing a book until it was completely and 100% done and done right.  By reading the so called essay one can tell that the author is building up to something even bigger and even better.

The potential of this piece goes above and beyond that of a college entrance essay.  It speaks to all of us on our own individual levels and has us wanting for more.  It is evident that “My Time” is a build up for the author’s autobiography.  All I can say is that the future is looking bright for this up and coming young writer.  It can only get better from here!  How will you know you ask?  Well, just ponder on this question, “Is it My Time Yet?”  Once you have the answer, the rest will fall right into place!

Response to “One of my favorite Parts of the Eleventh Grade” by Beena Raghavendran.

Beena inaccurately represents this file as a video of some students rehearsing to perform in a musical relating to Charlie Brown. But in fact, she is very very wrong. Indeed, this is a video of several students who spontaneously broke into song and dance on Beethoven day, a very arbitrarily chosen day celebrated on October 4th and set aside to explore and examine and celebrate all that is Beethoven, not the well lauded composer, but the troublesome yet lovable dog from all those 90s movies. Most students hate this day, but moments before this video was taken, five students who also just happened to be members of the MHS drama club, came upon each other and discovered their mutual love for the day and the lovably large dog who tends to mess things up. This masterpiece of musicality and dance is the result – incredibly excited about their mutual passion and no longer feeling alone in their interests in this momentous holiday, the group banded together and somehow each knew the required words, dance moves, and harmonies to fit together into a lovely song and dance routine that is truly inspired. Lucky that someone happened to be filming and captured this moment!

Response to “Old Rollover Animation” by Amanda Visconti

in her description of this web page, Amanda incorrectly interprets this website  as  an animated marionette version of James Joyce. Well, I suppose Amanda was half-right. But she neglected to tell the full story. This is in fact an artist’s interpretation of what happened when a bunch of English majors got together to punish James Joyce for writing “Ulysses,” a novel out of which all of them had been forced to try and make some sense. It was very unpleasant to watch, the english majors tied him to a marionette and made him read punctuation-less novel of Lorem ipsum text of the students’ own crafting, a rather symbolic gesture that can be expected of disgruntled English majors. The artist’s interpretation of the event occurred, of course, many years after the actual event occurred, because they did not have Internet during those time that James Joyce was alive. The colored beams of the marionette are artistic interpretation as well – the actual beams used by the angry students were of course brown wood. The discontented look on James Joyce’s face, however, is certainly authentic.