Today was the most memorable day of my life. This day I received my air-raid baptism. I did not suffer a wound myself, but I received pieces of an incendiary bomb on my body.

We had been asking everywhere for tickets to Karuizawa for this very day. Yesterday Mizuno of the Police Department was able to provide us one. Of late, train tickets are of a value comparable to diamonds. When Akira went to get that ticket at the station, he was told that apart from the air-raid victims from the day before, no tickets at all were being issued, and he was refused.

I transported baggage to Minagawa. After supper when we returned to our home, Kōtaki was there. While we were talking to him, there were air-raid warnings. He returned home hurriedly and I, as usual, went to bed. Like many people, I could not be bothered about it, but this is my bad habit. When I was drowsing because of lack of sleep from last night's air raids, there were air-raid warnings again. Hurriedly I made preparations and went outside. It was about 10:30 in the evening. There were stars, but the night was dark. This was different from the previous air raids, and the planes were overhead wave after wave. Their targets were the factories on both sides of the Tamagawa River. The anti-aircraft guns roared, and the bombs that were falling from the enemy planes sent up flames like a red lotus in the curtain of darkness. The B-29s were silver-colored and reflected in the brilliance of the searchlightsit was like a picture. One plane at a time flew past. They continued to drop incendiary bombs as if the sky were a checkerboard, and nothing was left behind. My wife was worried about the security of Eiko and Toyo, who were living in the Minagawa house, and left for there. Akira and I were going in and out of a small bomb shelter. Already, at the Omori and Kamata areas the sky became pure red, and the enemy attack was increasingly pressing closer to us. Akira said, "I have never been so anxious to hear the all-clear as tonight!" I went out to the road in front of the gate for shelter. There was a sound like the swish of rain. Reacting immediately, I hid myself at the protected side of the road. At the moment an incendiary fell slowly on the roof of the house, the neighboring pine grove and the bamboo fence burst into flames. "Father!" Akira's voice called. "Oh" I answered. I noticed my overcoat had caught fire. "Oh my God!" I said, and I tried to extinguish it but could not put it out. I took off the overcoat and beating it extinguished the fire. At that time the whole area was covered with fire. When I came to the entrance, Akira said, "Father, let's put it out!" "Yes, let's put it out," I answered. There was a feeling of being engaged in a "desperate fight to the death." With the overcoat I had taken off, I beat out the bamboo fence fire. The concrete walls of my library were burning. Because coal tar had been used, I thought it was burning, but afterward I understood it was not so, and it was because of the enemy oil and incendiary bomb. I threw water on this. The fence fire was extinguished, but the fire on the roof continued to burn. "This is bad," I said and abandoned the idea. The feeling that my library and personal belongings will be completely burned up went through my mind. Bringing a ladder, I looked at the roof, but the fire was out. About that time the house of another party across the fields and an apartment-style house across the street were burning. Also the pickle shop, which was beyond the woods, was burning. The unfortunate thing was that both were not on the leeward side of the wind, but actually there was a little wind. The fire was already coming to an end when the wind came up, but this was probably because of the fire.

Seeing the fire, we fought it and I was filled with hatred and indignation. I experienced an "overflowing with anger" feeling. But it seems that it was not only because of the enemy "America." I said, "American swine, damn you!" Clearly these were words I wished people to hear. Because I had the fear of being called "pro-American," I particularly made the point forcefully. If I were to say that I did not feel anger toward something, it would be a lie. Asking, "Who are those carrying on this sort of war?" I was indignant toward this kind of stupid politics and leadership.

After the fire was extinguished, I felt as if I had conquered the world. Actually, if I had not been there, no doubt the fire would have been prolonged. The grass of the woods flared up and the fences were burning. About two in the morning I went to bed.

April 16, 1945 (Monday)

There is talk of a "phantom killer," but the fiery sky of the B-29s is the "phantom killer." Wherever they pass over, about a city block of space is burned up. A straight line from south to north is burned, and it is still burning. Digging in the ruins, people search for things such as china. In the spreading fires there is time to take out household belongings, but where incendiary bombs are dropped, nothing is saved. Even looking at it from my experience of yesterday evening, there has absolutely never been such a time. At the moment I was thinking, shall I take out the household belongings or make efforts to put out the fire, when Akira said, "Let's extinguish it!" I regained my strength and turned to fire fighting.

Returning home, when I looked at the neighboring pine grove there were many incendiary casings. In a short time I had picked up seven of these. When those that had been dug up were collected by the neighbors, there were more than ten in an area of less than one hundred tsubo. And when these were all collected together on a low nearby ground, there were more than thirty. One had fallen to the east of the house. This had revealed itself by setting fire to the roof of the well. The ones that had fallen to the west were at a place separated two or three shaku from the roof, and there was a piece of cloth entangled in the pines. The house was saved by only three or four shaku.

Collecting these things together, we finished clearing up, and on the way home, where we went for breakfast, I had the urge to say, "There is a God!" Even though so many incendiaries had fallen, the fact that not even one had hit the house roof was extraordinary. I had the inclination to say, "Isn't God helping me?" When I gave it some thought, it was totally unexpected good fortune. Because Akira said, "Let's go into the bomb shelter since nothing can be done even if the house burns," I said, "That's so, isn't it?" and we went to look at it. Just at the moment we set out, a bomb fell on the house. Also, the fact that Akira from the east and I from the west, without noticing the passage of time, worked strenuously at fire fighting is probably the most important reason we were able to put out the fire. It may be that if we had been there five minutes later, there is no doubt the fire would have shifted to the bamboo fence. Even the fact that we had not set out for Karuizawa was fortunate. The faith of Christianity, which I had formerly believed in, moved my heart deeply, and bowing down, I wished to express my gratitude.

After breakfast, together with Eiko, I went to see the area from the Tama River to Shimomaruko. Countless numbers of incendiary bomb casings had fallen on the riverbank. Also, the dormitory of the Mitsubishi had burned. The newly built factories of Shimomaruko had become nothing more than burned fields. In some places we heard thumps and the explosions of timedelayed bombs. With this bombing alone, the manufacturing of Japan will fall to some small fraction. Yesterday evening, from our elevated location I saw the burning of the Kawasaki industrial area and Shimomaruko and was astonished at the totality of the destructive power of modern war. Now I see its burned remains. This all happened in a period of less than ten hours. The electric trains stop, and electricity no longer flows. The water system and gas are halted. According to Akita's account, people who fled to the riverbank of the Tama were killed by bombs, and corpses without heads and trunks were transported away.

Experiencing these kinds of air raids, the one outstanding fact is that the Japanese people, despite these city air raids, never resent these indiscriminate American attacks or are indignant. When I say, "Isn't this outrageous?" they say, "It's because of the war!" They think that because it is war even if old and young, men and women, are bombed, it can't be helped. I hear the words, "Because it is war," even when I am on the train, and I hear them also in the streets. Also, yesterday evening, two men who had been burned out came to stay for a couple of hours and said, "Nothing is to be done about a residence being burned up; it's because of the war. The destroyed factories are to be regretted." The Japanese view of the war is such that human indignation does not arise.

In the afternoon, Shiina, a director of Nomura Life Insurance, came to inquire about us. He said, "I am truly disgusted with the Japanese people!" He said there was a German Jew living in his area. This lady is the sister of the wife of Thomas Mann, and until now, because in the Senzoku area there were no military targets, it had been peaceful, and even air-raid shelters had not been built. Last night she was looking for a shelter, and so he guided her to one nearby. However, the head of the neighborhood association said, "There are foreigners here!" and drove out two people, causing them terrible distress. Shiina said, "What is this war for? Beginning a war without purpose......

April 17, 1945 (Tuesday)

There was an announcement concerning the air raid from the evening of the 15th to the 16th (Mainichi, April 17).

Every day endless rumors are flying about. Yesterday evening there were rumors that air-raid alerts would be issued or that carrier-based planes came to attack. In the electric trains as well, there are those who say this sort of thing. Not withstanding the fact that no alerts were announced, everybody believed these rumors. We are confronting a period of ruin, a period of dis- order. From their very beginnings, the Japanese people have been attached to the habit of believing things uncritically. Once people's talk turns into vicious rumors, everything is possible. This was true of the rumors concerning the Koreans at the time of the great earthquake. Even now the possibility of such an incident occurring is extremely great.

It is clear that everyone has completely lost hope concerning the battle in Okinawa, but the newspapers speak of divine opportunities. As usual, they rely upon the announcements of the military. The Japanese people, even the foolish country folk, probably do not believe this. The matter of writing things that nobody believes has been true of Japanese newspapers for a long time.

The funeral ceremony for Roosevelt was carried out on the 15th. He died on the 12th at 3:30 in the afternoon. It was one day before Black Friday (Friday the 13th), and this forestalled an outpouring of superstition. Eiko said, "He deserved it!" when she heard the news. According to Akira's account, I understand that at mealtime at school everyone cheered hearing the news, but when he talked to groups of two or three people they expressed regret. Akira kept saying it was regrettable, regrettable.

On the following day when I went to the Economic Club, those who cursed him were few, and there were certainly a great number who talked as if they wanted him to carry out the postwar management of Japan. It was extraordinary the few who hated him after having suffered such terrible experiences.

There is a report, the gist of which is that an armored spearhead of the American Army has already approached as close as twenty kilometers to Berlin. Yet this is not definitely acknowledged on the American side. Goebbels has admitted the danger. However, he is saying Hitler will save them at the last minute.

The damage due to the air raids on England: 1.2 million homes.

It goes without saying that the Japanese damage in an extremely short time is by far greater than this.

Japan did not have the conditions to be able to carry on modern war. The military until the last said, "We will never allow enemy planes to enter Tõkyõ," and, "We will not allow enemy planes to enter Kojimachi-ku." Now what are they saying? I think the resentment of the people toward the military is unbelievably slight. It is because criticism regarding the military is not at all possible. Common people are stupid until informed. And then, if nothing is said, that they are insensitive to the degree they notice nothing.

But I wonder if they will not notice things forever.

A Diary of Darkness: The Wartime Diary of Kiyosawa Kiyoshi. Eds. Eugene Soviak and Kamiyama Tamie. Princeton: Princeton U Press, 1999, 351-354.